Episode 058: The Space Between Love and Loss

Hey, there, welcome back to "Live Your Truth Love Your Life." I’m Adrienne, and today, we’re talking about grief. More precisely, we're going to talk about anticipatory grief, which is the complex web of emotions we experience when facing an impending loss.
For me, this topic isn’t just a discussion point; it’s a path I'm currently walking. My mother's diagnosis with lung cancer in June 2022 cast us into a world where joy and sadness coexist more tangibly than ever. Facing the possibility of life without her has been a journey of love, pain, fear, and immense growth.
Through sharing my story, I wish to open a space for all of us to explore the feelings that often go unspoken, to offer solace in knowing you’re not alone in this. Grief, especially the anticipatory kind, can feel like a solitary path, but it doesn't have to be. If you’re on this path, I hope today’s conversation helps you feel less alone.
I believe that in our shared stories, we find strength, understanding, and the light to help u. keep going I wrote “Scattered Thoughts on Loss: Grief Haikus” to share some of what I’ve been feeling and experiencing through anticipatory grief. I made some last minute edits to the book so the release date has been pushed back by a few days. I will announce on social and here on the podcast when it is officially available on Amazon.
In my family, grief was ever-present. We’re a family that’s experienced a lot of loss throughout the years. Death was talked about openly and more often than I was comfortable with when I was younger. But grief, and the big feelings that go with losing someone, weren’t really discussed. I think in society in general, there’s an expectation to move through grief quickly and quietly and make everything fine again, but that’s just not reality.
Grief isn’t a problem to be solved. It doesn’t mean you’re broken. Grief shows that you’ve lost someone you love, a loss that probably feels huge and overwhelming. The life that you have known is different, and it’s every bit as hard to go through as you think it is.
Witnessing grief and the hard, messy emotions of others is uncomfortable. We want to help and fix it, but the best thing we can do is usually to witness and acknowledge their pain.
Let’s talk about anticipatory grief. It's a balancing act between the world we know and a world bracing for loss. It's a deeply internal process, often kept close to the chest, where we find ourselves mourning the future. This type of grief prepares us for what’s to come, yet it carries its own unique pain and often guilt. It shifts our focus from past losses to the dread of future ones, creating a silent prelude to the inevitable pain of separation.
Anticipatory grief, like any form of grief, doesn't follow a straight line. It's a labyrinth of feelings that mimic the stages of grief we're more familiar with, offering a time for mental and emotional preparation, for making peace with the impending loss, and for cherishing the moments we have left.
When you’re facing the inevitable loss of a loved one, you’re going to experience the five stages of grief, which were introduced by Elisabeth Kubler Ross and David Kessler. These stages are: Denial, Anger, Bargaining, Depression, and Acceptance. You may also experience the sixth stage later introduced by David Kessler: meaning making.
People sometimes think that they’ll progress through those stages on a fixed timeline, in order, but the reality is that whether you’re in anticipatory grief or grieving after the loss has happened, you’re going to move through them in varying orders, for different periods of time. You may go through all of them or only some of them. You may go through them more than once. Grief isn’t linear.
The path of anticipatory grief is fraught with contradictions. It's about preparing for a loss that hasn't yet happened and dealing with the guilt of grieving in advance. This form of grief doesn't necessarily ease the pain of the eventual loss, but it does offer a chance for reflection and connection.
It can enable us to say the unsaid, to cherish the moments left, and to start the painful process of letting go. However, it's also fraught with guilt— grieving someone still alive can feel like a betrayal of hope.
Navigating anticipatory grief is like walking on a tightrope, balancing between preparation for the loss and the guilt of grieving prematurely. It's a double-edged sword, where the grief we experience before a loss doesn't necessarily ease the pain that follows. Each person’s experience with anticipatory grief is uniquely their own, profoundly shaped by the relationship they’re mourning.
For me, living with anticipatory grief has been a reminder to stand in the present, to love deeply, and prepare for the future. It has shown me that grief is a testament to the love we share. As we navigate this process, sharing our stories becomes a powerful tool for connection and healing.
As we wrap up today’s episode, I wanted to remind you that the release of my book, "Scattered Thoughts on Loss: Grief Haikus," has been delayed. I’m anticipating that it will be available by the end of the week on Amazon. This book is a collection of moments captured in the concise expression of haikus, offering a glimpse into the rollercoaster of anticipatory grief that I’ve experienced.
I did release my free course to help others navigate anticipatory grief. If you go to my website, you’ll see the information on it under the grief support page. It’s called Seven Days of Healing for Anticipatory Grief. If you drop your name and email into the signup sheet, you’ll be emailed all the details. Sign up here: https://pages.adriennecrowley.com/7daysofhealing
Thank you for being here with me today. If you’re grieving, I want you to remember that you're not alone, and it’s okay to not be okay. Until next time, live your truth, love your life.
In today's episode, we explored the delicate balance between love and the anticipation of loss. This journal prompt invites you to delve deeper into your feelings and experiences with anticipatory grief. It's a space for you to acknowledge, reflect, and find comfort in writing about your journey, reminding you that you're not alone in these complex emotions.
- Reflect on the concept of anticipatory grief and its presence in your life. Consider the emotions, thoughts, and challenges you face while navigating the uncertainty of awaiting a loss.
- Write about how you balance the act of loving deeply with the preparation for eventual separation.
- What strategies or thoughts help you cope with this unique form of grief?
- How has this experience altered your perception of love, loss, and the precious nature of time?
Take your time with these questions. Sit with them, revisit them, and most importantly, act on them. It’s time to turn your insight into action.
There are no limits to this exercise - let your mind roam free, and be as detailed and creative as you can. The more vivid your visualization, the more tangible your dream will feel.
This is your time, your moment, your opportunity to make magic. Believe in your own potential, and let's see where this journey can take us. Happy journaling!