Episode 060: Redefining You Beyond Loss & Change

Hey there, friends! Adrienne here. Welcome back to Live Your Truth Love Your Life. I wanted to talk today about the idea of “getting back to myself” and though it’s a common sentiment, why it’s one that doesn’t serve us. Recently, in a group setting, I had a client say, “I’m having such a hard time, and I’m struggling to get back to myself.” She was in the midst of a recent loss, but I don’t think this only pertains to death and dying. It is something that comes up during a time of big changes or transitions, which is why I wanted to talk about it.
In the wake of loss or a significant life change, there's a pervasive sentiment that whispers, "If only I could get back to my old self." This yearning to return to a former state—whether it be a previous size, level of fitness, relationship status, or any number of personal attributes—can be overwhelming. But here's a radical thought: what if getting "back to myself" isn't the goal at all? What if, instead of striving to reclaim what was, we embraced the opportunity to create who we're meant to be?
The truth is, aiming to return to our former selves is not only futile—it's limiting. You are not the same person you were, and that's not a shortcoming; it's a reality of growth. The experiences that shape us, including those that challenge us the most, offer invaluable lessons. They invite us to evolve. The notion of getting back to what was overlooks the beauty and potential of what could be. It's time to reimagine your narrative. This is an opportunity to create your new normal and step into the best version of yourself—a version so captivating and true to your current desires and values that comparison to your past self becomes irrelevant.
Creating this new version of yourself starts with a deep and honest exploration of what you, in the here and now, enjoy and long for. It's about defining your current desires and the ideals you wish to embody. How do you want to show up in the world today? How do you want to show up for yourself?
The journey back to yourself is not about retracing your steps; it's about charting a new course forward. It's impossible to step into the same river twice; the waters have changed, and so have you. Embrace this. Accept that the destination you might be chasing—a return to a past self—doesn't truly exist. Instead, focus on creating a new journey for yourself.
To guide this journey, ask yourself two pivotal questions. First, to embody this new version of myself, how do I need to show up today? This question encourages you to think about the thoughts, habits, and behaviors that you can start adopting now to align with the person you aspire to be. It's about laying the groundwork today for the future you envision.
The second question to ask yourself is: what can I do today to make tomorrow better? This question carries an assumption of a future, which, especially after a profound loss or life change, might feel uncertain. Yet, it's precisely this forward-looking perspective that can propel you out of stagnation and into action. It doesn't have to be about grand gestures; it's about identifying one small, actionable step you can take today to bring you closer to your desired tomorrow.
During difficult times, envisioning a bright and hopeful future can be both a refuge and a source of inspiration. However, the leap from dreaming to doing can sometimes seem impossible. The key is to break it down into manageable steps—focusing on what you can achieve today to maintain momentum and build towards that brighter tomorrow.
The process of redefining yourself in the aftermath of a significant change is not about reclaiming what was lost; it's about discovering who you are now and who you have the potential to become. This is not a journey of recovery but one of discovery. It's a chance to meet yourself anew, with fresh eyes and an open heart, ready to embrace the opportunities that change brings.
Remember, it's not about going back; it's about moving forward into a future that's shaped by your current dreams, desires, and values. The new version of you, the person you're becoming, has so much to offer. Let go of the past, embrace the present, and step boldly into the future. Your best self is not behind you; it's up ahead, waiting to be discovered and brought to life. Embrace this journey with curiosity, compassion, and courage, and watch as you transform into the most authentic and fulfilled version of yourself.
I hope this has been helpful to you. Until next time, live your truth, love your life.
In the midst of grief or facing the loss of a loved one? Check out my new book, Scattered Thoughts on Loss: Grief Haikus. I hope it provides you comfort and helps you feel less alone. Now available on Amazon in Kindle and paperback formats: https://amzn.to/3TR5mOT
FREE COURSE: Seven Days of Healing for Anticipatory Grief | Sign up at: https://pages.adriennecrowley.com/7daysofhealing
This journal prompt is designed to guide you through a reflective process, helping you to navigate your feelings, identify your desires, and set actionable steps toward becoming your best self.
- Reflect on a recent significant change or loss in your life. How has this experience altered your perception of yourself and your life?
- What are some aspects of your former self that you find yourself wanting to "get back" to? Why do you think these aspects hold such significance for you?
- Consider the concept of creating a "new normal" for yourself. What does this new normal look like, feel like, and how does it differ from your past?
- What are your current passions, interests, and values? How have they evolved from your past interests and values?
- Imagine the best version of yourself that you can be in this new chapter of your life. Describe this version of you in detail.
- What thoughts, habits, and behaviors do you need to adopt to align more closely with this vision of your best self?
- Identify one small, actionable step you can take today to make tomorrow better, bringing you closer to this new version of yourself. Why did you choose this step, and how will it impact your journey?
This reflective process is not about looking back with longing but about looking forward with hope and intention. As you write, allow yourself to explore the full range of your emotions and thoughts, acknowledging that every step, no matter how small, is a part of your path toward growth and self-discovery.
Take your time with these questions. Sit with them, revisit them, and most importantly, act on them. It’s time to turn your insight into action.
There are no limits to this exercise - let your mind roam free, and be as detailed and creative as you can. The more vivid your visualization, the more tangible your dream will feel.
This is your time, your moment, your opportunity to make magic. Believe in your own potential, and let's see where this journey can take us. Happy journaling!