Episode 035: Permission Slips: A Tool for Self-Empowerment

Nov 20

Written By Adrienne Crowley

Hey there friends! Adrienne here. Welcome back to another episode of Live Your Truth Love Your Life. I have a question for you to kick things off.
Have you ever felt like you needed permission to take a break, to say no, or to step outside your comfort zone? It turns out, you're not alone if you said yes. This is where the concept of "permission slips" comes into play, a powerful idea brought into the limelight by Brené Brown, the renowned researcher and storyteller. Brené's work, particularly her insights into vulnerability and courage, has inspired millions. And among her many impactful ideas, the concept of permission slips stands out as a simple yet profound tool that can bring significant changes to our lives.
At first glance, the idea of an adult needing a permission slip might seem a bit odd. Aren't permission slips just for kids? In reality, though, how often have we as adults stopped ourselves from doing something because we didn't feel it was allowed or acceptable? Whether it's in our personal lives, where we might hold back from pursuing a long-held passion, or in our professional lives, where we hesitate to voice an unconventional idea or take a well-deserved break, the need for self-permission is a common thread.
Today, we’re going to get into the essence of permission slips for adults. We'll explore why they are not just useful but necessary in our journey towards self-acceptance and authenticity. The aim here is not just to understand what permission slips are, but more importantly, to learn how to effectively implement them in our everyday lives. By granting ourselves the permission to be vulnerable, to fail, to take risks, or simply to be ourselves, we open the door to a more authentic, fulfilling life. So, let’s embark on this journey together and discover how something as simple as a permission slip can become a transformative tool in our personal growth and happiness.
Understanding Permission Slips
In the hustle and bustle of adult life, it's easy to get lost in the myriad responsibilities, expectations, and societal norms that dictate our actions. But have you ever paused to consider the concept of a 'permission slip' in your life as an adult? The concept of permission slips in adult life is as intriguing as it is vital.
A permission slip, in this context, is essentially a metaphorical note you write to yourself, granting permission to engage in activities, emotions, or thoughts that you might typically suppress or shy away from. It's like giving yourself a green light to step outside your comfort zone, to embrace vulnerability, or to engage in self-care. For instance, writing a permission slip to allow yourself to take a mental health day off work, or to express a controversial yet constructive opinion in a meeting, are acts that empower and validate your needs and values.
The psychological basis of this concept is deeply rooted in self-acceptance and self-compassion. In our lives, many of us are held back by our inner critic – that voice that tells us we aren't good enough, that we shouldn't take risks, or that we must adhere to certain standards. Permission slips challenge this narrative. They are a proactive step towards acknowledging and accepting our own needs, desires, and worth.
Brené Brown, in her work on vulnerability and courage, highlights how important it is to recognize our own humanity and to give ourselves the space to be imperfect. She teaches that by writing ourselves permission slips, we are acknowledging our right to experience life fully, without the shackles of self-judgment and unrealistic expectations. It's a practice that fosters a kinder, more compassionate relationship with ourselves.
This simple yet transformative tool is about more than just doing something you've hesitated to do. It's about changing the way you talk to and treat yourself. It's about recognizing that you are a person worthy of the same kindness, patience, and understanding that you offer to others. In a world where we are often our harshest critics, permission slips act as reminders that we too deserve to explore, make mistakes, and pursue happiness.
By integrating this practice into our lives, we can start to shift our mindset. Instead of waiting for external validation or permission, we begin to understand that the only validation that truly matters is the one that comes from within. Writing a permission slip for yourself is a reminder to take control of your narrative and live authentically.
In essence, permission slips are a tangible representation of self-compassion and acceptance. They are a step towards embracing our true selves, with all our strengths, weaknesses, and idiosyncrasies. Keep in mind that the act of writing a permission slip is an act of courage – a declaration that we are ready to live life on our own terms.
The Importance of Permission Slips in Adult Life
Have you ever stopped to think about why, as adults, we often struggle to allow ourselves the freedom to feel, act, or simply be in ways that resonate with our true selves? This internal battle is more common than you might think, and it's deeply rooted in the complex web of societal expectations and self-imposed limitations that shape our adult lives. You essential self or your true self is often in conflict with your cultured self, the one that feels the need to follow the rules.
We're constantly navigating a world that's filled with rules and norms dictating how we should behave, what we should aspire to, and even how we should feel. These external pressures can lead us to disconnect from our authentic selves. This is part of why I’m always reminding myself and others to, "Talk to yourself like you would to someone you love." We need self-compassion, a quality often lost in our pursuit to meet external standards.
The struggle here lies in the conditioning we receive from an early age – the idea that there are certain acceptable ways to navigate life. Be it in professional scenarios where showing vulnerability might be perceived as a weakness, or in personal settings where expressing true desires might go against the grain, we constantly find ourselves conforming to these invisible guidelines. The result? We often end up living a life that's more about 'shoulds' and 'musts' rather than about our genuine wants and needs.
This is where the magic of permission slips comes into play. These slips are more than just notes; they're symbolic keys to unlocking the chains of these societal and self-imposed expectations. They serve as gentle reminders that it's okay to step out of the proverbial box, to embrace our vulnerabilities, and to honor our authentic emotions and desires.
Brené Brown’s teachings on vulnerability and shame resilience emphasize the transformative power of being true to oneself. She encourages embracing imperfections and daring greatly, as seen in her quote, "What we know matters but who we are matters more." This sentiment is at the heart of why permission slips are so crucial. They are not just about doing something different; they are about being true to who we are at our core.
In adult life, granting ourselves permission can be revolutionary. It can mean allowing yourself to pursue a long-forgotten passion, to say no to an unfulfilling obligation, or to simply take a day off for mental health. These slips can help us overcome the barriers of judgment, fear of failure, and the daunting weight of expectations.
Moreover, permission slips can be a powerful tool in redefining success and happiness on our own terms. They remind us that our worth is not tied to societal benchmarks but is inherent in our very being. As Brené Brown wisely puts it, "Owning our story and loving ourselves through that process is the bravest thing that we will ever do." Permission slips help us write our own stories, ones where we are the protagonists living authentically and wholeheartedly.
In summary, the concept of permission slips in adult life is about more than just breaking free from external constraints; it's about embarking on a journey of self-discovery and acceptance. By understanding and implementing this practice, we open ourselves up to a life where our choices are reflective of our true selves, unfettered by the chains of societal norms and self-doubt. As we explore further, let's remember that these slips are not just notes we write to ourselves; they are declarations of our commitment to living a life that's genuinely ours.
Common Areas Where Adults Need Permission
I don’t know about you, but I think for a lot of us, there are several areas where we often find ourselves hesitating, holding back, or simply stuck. It's not because we lack the ability or desire, but often, it's because we haven't given ourselves permission to fully engage in these aspects of our lives. Let's explore some common areas where we might need to grant ourselves permission and how doing so can lead to a more authentic and fulfilling life.
1. Career Aspirations and Changes: In our professional lives, we frequently encounter crossroads – moments where we contemplate a career change, a bold new project, or even starting our own business. However, fear of failure, financial insecurity, or the simple comfort of the status quo can hold us back. Imagine someone stuck in a job that doesn't fulfill them because they haven't given themselves permission to pursue their passion. The moment they write that permission slip – "I give myself permission to follow my career dreams" – is the moment they open the door to possibilities, growth, and ultimately, a more satisfying professional life.
2. Personal Relationships: In the realm of personal relationships, granting ourselves permission can be transformative. This could mean giving yourself permission to leave an unhealthy relationship, to express love and vulnerability, or to set and maintain healthy boundaries. Often, we stay in unsatisfying or even harmful relationships because we haven't permitted ourselves to seek what we truly deserve. By acknowledging and acting on our needs and worth, we pave the way for healthier, more meaningful connections.
3. Self-Care Practices: Self-care is an area where permission slips are crucial yet frequently overlooked. Many adults feel guilty or selfish for dedicating time to themselves. But remember, self-care isn't a luxury; it's a necessity. Whether it's taking time for a hobby, resting when needed, or simply saying no to overcommitments, giving ourselves permission for self-care is integral to our well-being. Think of a scenario where someone is burned out but struggles to take a break. A permission slip here – "I allow myself to rest" – is a step towards better health and happiness.
4. Personal Growth and Development: Lastly, in the pursuit of personal growth, giving ourselves permission to explore, make mistakes, and step out of our comfort zones is key. Whether it's learning a new skill, traveling alone, or confronting a long-held fear, these endeavors require us to permit ourselves to grow. The reluctance to try new things often stems from a fear of the unknown or of not being "good enough." Here, permission slips act as catalysts for growth and self-discovery.
In each of these areas, the lack of self-permission often leads to stagnation, unhappiness, and unfulfillment. It's like standing at the edge of a pool, wanting to dive in, but never allowing yourself to jump. By writing ourselves permission slips, we not only jump into these experiences but also learn to swim in them, embracing all the challenges and joys they bring.
Granting ourselves permission in these crucial areas of life enables us to live more authentically. It allows us to align our actions with our true desires and values, leading to a richer, more satisfying experience of life. As we learn to write these permission slips, we empower ourselves to take charge of our happiness and our destiny, one brave decision at a time.
How to Implement Permission Slips in Daily Life
So, how exactly do we begin to incorporate permission slips into our daily routine? It's one thing to understand their importance, but it's another to put them into practice effectively. Let's walk through some practical steps to create and use permission slips, integrating them into our daily lives.
Step 1: Identify the Need for Permission
The first step is self-reflection. It's crucial to take a moment to take some time and identify the areas in your life where you're holding back because you haven't given yourself permission. This could be anything from pursuing a new career path to expressing your true feelings in a relationship. A solid guiding question is, "What would I do if I wasn't afraid of judgment, failure, or disappointment?" See what comes up for you. Meditate on it or journal about it. The answers to these questions are likely areas where you need to write yourself a permission slip.
Step 2: Crafting Your Permission Slip
Now, it's time to put pen to paper – quite literally. Write down your permission slip. It can be as simple as, "I give myself permission to fail and learn from it," or as specific as, "I permit myself to take a weekend off for a solo trip." The key is to write it in a positive tone and in the present tense, making it a powerful affirmation of your intention. I like to use a bright colorful post-it note and stick it to the bottom of my computer screen. Then, I see it often.
Step 3: Integrating Permission Slips into Daily Routines
Incorporate these permission slips into your daily routines. This can be done through journaling, where you regularly write and reflect on your permission slips, reinforcing them in your mind. Meditation can also be a potent tool – visualize yourself living out the permission you've granted yourself, feeling the emotions and embracing the experience. Daily affirmations are another effective method. Start your day by affirming your permission slips out loud, setting a positive tone for the day.
Step 4: Embrace the Change
Granting yourself permission is an ongoing process. It's about consistently reminding yourself that it's okay to live authentically. Over time, you'll start to notice subtle shifts in your thoughts and behaviors. You'll find yourself more willing to take risks, more open to new experiences, and more aligned with your true self.
Recently, when i was coaching someone, she was talking about the holidays with her family and frustrations around plans being moved when she was the host and no one asked her. As she was working through this, she kept making disclaimers that she knew she shouldn’t be bothered by something so small or that she shouldn’t feel frustration about the situation. This was a situation where there was an opportunity for her to give herself permission to be the most unevolved, petty, frustrated person that she needed to be in that moment. In order to pinpoint the blocks, it’s important to lean into what you’re feeling and not sensor it.
Another recent client was struggling with setting boundaries in personal relationships. He was overextended and saying yes when he wanted to say no. His permission slip read, "I allow myself to say no without feeling guilty." This would serve as his reminder that he can say no, and he doesn’t have to feel bad about doing so.
Overcoming Challenges in Granting Yourself Permission
Granting ourselves permission can sometimes feel like an uphill battle. We might feel guilt, fear judgment, and have deeply ingrained beliefs that prioritize others' needs over our own. Many of us grapple with the misconception that prioritizing our desires or needs is selfish or indulgent. These challenges can make the practice of writing and honoring permission slips feel impossible.
The first step in overcoming these hurdles is recognizing that these feelings are normal. It's okay to feel apprehensive about breaking long-held patterns. The key is to start small. Give yourself permission for something minor and gradually work your way up. This could be as simple as allowing yourself an extra hour of sleep or saying no to an additional commitment.
Remember, self-compassion is at the core of this practice. It's about acknowledging your worth and understanding that caring for yourself is not just beneficial but necessary. If you find it hard to give yourself permission, try to view your situation from the perspective of a friend. What would you advise them in your situation? This shift in viewpoint can often make it easier to extend the same kindness and understanding to yourself.
So, we've been all over the map today. We’ve explored the concept of permission slips and how they can significantly impact our lives as adults. From enhancing our career paths to enriching personal relationships and fostering self-care, these slips are a practice of self-compassion and authenticity.
By acknowledging and facing the common challenges in granting ourselves permission, we can begin to dismantle the barriers that prevent us from living fully. The journey of incorporating permission slips into our lives is a transformative one, leading to personal growth and a deeper understanding of ourselves.
As we wrap things up, I encourage you to take this idea and make it your own. Start by writing your first permission slip today. It could be the first step towards a more fulfilling, authentic life. By following these steps and regularly practicing self-permission, you're not just changing habits; you're changing your mindset – and that’s where true transformation begins. Remember, the journey towards self-compassion begins with a simple act of permission – from you, to you.
Thank you for tuning in today. Until next time, live your truth love your life.
Reflect on an area of your life where you feel restricted or held back.
- Write down a permission slip for yourself in this area. It could be related to your career, personal relationships, self-care, or any personal aspiration.
- For example, "I give myself permission to pursue my passion for art, even if it means dedicating less time to my current job."
Once you've written this permission slip, explore how granting yourself this permission makes you feel.
- Are there fears or hesitations that arise?
- What changes, both internal and external, might occur if you follow through with this permission?
- How does it align with your true desires and values?
Use this prompt to explore the impact of allowing yourself the freedom to live authentically, and what steps you can take to actualize this permission in your daily life.
Take your time with these questions. Sit with them, revisit them, and most importantly, act on them. It’s time to turn your insight into action.
There are no limits to this exercise - let your mind roam free, and be as detailed and creative as you can. The more vivid your visualization, the more tangible your dream will feel.
This is your time, your moment, your opportunity to make magic. Believe in your own potential, and let's see where this journey can take us. Happy journaling!